i heard you were a wild one

these long days of light

warm and drunken sunsets

making me swoon with lust

fireflies dance 

coaxing me in

their secret, flirty lives

summer is racing to me

and everything is changing

the electricity of it all is building

and i'm shedding layers

in these humid evenings

my imagination runs right

and

my wild can't be contained

I am a wild one

tame me now

running with wolves 

and I'm on the prowl

*

Blind Faith

Do you spend your working hours daydreaming about a more fulfilling existence?  Do you search job listings endlessly, hoping to find that “perfect” job description?  Mine would read…

Active imagination

Creative spirit

Vegetarian-friendly

Sees the good in all

Happy-hearted

Unfailingly reliable

Fiercely dedicated

Passionate about decaf teas

Do you move from job to job, hoping that maybe just maybe, this will be the one that helps bring greater joy to your days, only to find yourself doing the same thing but in a different place with different faces?

Yeah, story of my life, too.

So I’m on a mission.

I need and I must (this is non-negotiable friends) have a career that feeds my soul.  I don’t imagine I will ever find this working for someone else (maybe, but unlikely).  I realize that for this to happen I will have go it alone, entrepreneurial styles. 

I don’t know the what’s, where’s, when’s, or how’s.  I don’t have a business plan or a vision board or even a to-do list.  But I’m forging ahead down the path of blind faith.  I have a business name, for a business that doesn’t exist.  I have made purchases to fill my small role as a yoga teacher, for classes that I’m not teaching.  I have a .com, that has not been designed.  I have a meeting with my accountant to discuss small businesses and taxes, for money that I’m not earning.

I realize that there is some insanity to this.

But it feels right. 

And I have total trust that I’m headed in the right direction, even if I have no idea where I’m going.

Baby Steps

I awoke to the sound of little meows from a hungry cat this morning.  I gave myself permission to spend just a few minutes loving on her and then I jumped out of bed, on a mission.

Ever since returning home, I have pretty much hit the ground running.  There was plenty of work to catch-up on, I've been feverishly trying to gather a group of friends together for some practice yoga teaching, making the most of my time with my hubby and furry kids, yoga, and Modern Family.  I've had little time for reflection and little time to catch up with my new yoga family since returning from the yoga mansion on the beach.

So today was a race.  To get chores done, to pick veggies and flowers from the nursery, to get some work done from home, to pick up groceries, to get a few minutes on my mat.  All so I could finally sit down and catch up on emails, blogs, photos, and daydreaming.

I have finally made my way to the back porch, looking out over my backyard as Eric plants heirloom tomatoes, basil, cucumbers, and colorful swiss chard.  I've caught up on emails and I'm feeling so proud of all the teachers who ventured on this journey with me.  These girls are creating websites, subbing for classes, teaching to friends, changing the way they do things, changing the way they view life, starting new blogs, and surprising themselves in the most inspiring of ways.

I am sending them all virtual high-fives.

As I turn my attention to myself, I recognize the number of times I've felt frustrated and disheartened over the past week.  I recall words of advice and encouragement from my husband and yoga teacher.  I silently thank a friend for sharing this today...

"I am savoring these baby steps! They are bigger steps than I have taken in the past and I am moving forward; it's clearly not a race. Im okay with that now."

It's a reminder to me.  I've been dreaming big and I want it all now.  Progress is moving at an agonizingly slow pace that I'm not even sure I'm progressing at all.  I realize that I've been racing against myself.  Against my dreams and the pace of life slowly unfolding.  There are so many lessons to be learned here and I'm trying to slow down long enough to understand them.

I'm torn between not wanting to waste a single second and being still long enough for my inner wisdom to guide me in the right direction.  I've become acutely aware of how quickly time is passing and how short life really is.

And all there is to do is give in to it, to find my breath, and savor these baby steps.

"Clearly we are NOT reintegrating very well"

I am back home and in total bliss.

Today couldn't have been a more perfect Kentucky day.  The air is sweet, the breeze is soothing, and the sun is shining.

Insert many happy smiles.

It seems like the obvious thing to do now is write about my experience of the last two weeks.

But how can I?  My time at the ocean is too big and beautiful of an experience, and I'm still mourning it's ending.

Instead, I'm eager to share with you the debacle of driving home.

We were warned about reintegrating back into our daily lives.  How living in our beach house bubble had changed us.  We talked about ways to make the transition to everyday life easier.  And we got it.  We understood that it would take some time and that we may experience some sensory overload upon returning.

Oh, but nobody told us that the simple act of driving, on a busy road, would be such a challenge.

Kay, a fellow student also from Kentucky, agreed to leave together so that we could follow each other.   This was going fine until we got to the first toll collection, about 20 minutes from the house.

I had no cash.  Just an American Express.  Which they did not take.

Kay had gone ahead of me and was already making her way back into traffic as I played a game of "who can stare the longest without blinking" with the toll booth clerk.

People were yelling behind me, honking their horns.  I was getting ready to break out into a panic.  After much pleading, the toll booth clerk took the only dollar I had and let me through.  Kay was already 7 miles ahead of me and traffic was heavy.  No big deal, I thought.  I'll catch up with her.

I weaved and dodged traffic, blew past a police officer running radar at 80 mph (the speed limit was 55).  The feller must have been sleeping...  I was freaking out about the next two tolls I would have to pass through, and hoped that I would find an ATM somewhere.

I eventually met up with Kay at a rest area outside Norfolk.  She must have sensed how frazzled I was and immediately gave me a big hug and some cash.  Thankfully there was an ATM inside the rest area and I withdrew some money.

Back on the interstate, it occurred to me that I did not finish my ATM transaction.  I worried that I may have left the machine too soon, leaving my account open for someone else to withdraw funds.  I called Eric, who called the bank, who then called me back and suggested that maybe I just needed to get off the road.  I think he could hear the fear and confusion in my voice.  I was not yet ready to handle operating heavy machinery, let alone be out in public.

We finally made our way past the city, past the heavy traffic, and I was able to settle in with some Dwight Yoakum.  I opened my windows and smiled at the sunshine.  I almost swerved off the top of a mountain in Virginia as I tried to kick off my sneakers.

At one point, we even caught up with Sharon, our yoga teacher, as Johnny Cash was playing on my CD player.

We were doing so good, until we stopped for gas.  We fueled up, used the restroom with no soap, and I followed Kay as we made our way back on the road, heading towards the interstate.  Thankfully she pulled over on the ramp, to put the cap back on her gas tank.

You are so right, Kay... Clearly we are not reintegrating very well!


** some pics from our last days...

Sunset over the sound

Pre-graduation ceremony gift

Last group outing, searching for wild horsies